by DNapalm
Welcome to Netiquette, a column for the New World Times. This column is devoted to all things good and pure. Learn how to act (or not to act) when you are exploring the wonderful world of AlphaWorld. You will not learn how to behave in an elevator or what that extra fork is for, but you will learn how to keep from getting banned by a trigger-happy Worlds Inc employee.
et-i-quette \'e-ti-ket\ n 1: the conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life 2: something rarely seen in the world today
net-i-quette \'net-i-ket\ n 1: the conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by Worlds Inc to be observed in AlphaWorld or any Active World. 2: something rarely seen in AlphaWorld today
#1: How NOT to be rude
It seems everyone in AlphaWorld these days knows exactly how to be rude. "Well, isn't that special."(Thanks, Church Lady) What we need more is people who know how NOT to be rude. Now from the start I am assuming that all the irritating and rude people I encounter on a daily basis at Ground Zero don't know how to be polite. I know that is probably not the case, but I will assume it anyway. After all, you people who are being rude on purpose might even learn something. Ok, maybe thats asking too much.
I will most likely be going into these problems in greater depth in later articles, so think of this as an introduction to the worst AlphaWorlder's have to offer. I know I do.
Lesson #1: The Wonderful World of Personal Space.
I don't know what culture you come from, or what upbringing (frankly I don't really care either). But most people in the real world seem to love personal space. The same applies for people in AlphaWorld. Now, I realize that Ground Zero is crowded, and sometimes it is very hard to know if you are in someone's face. However, when you are talking to someone, it is not always necessary to get right in their face. Believe it or not, that can be irritating. Please, go near the people you would like to talk to. Do not stand in them, or stay exactly where you appeared when you started the program. As funny as it is for me to see giant blobs of limbs and surfing boards, Shanubia does not look that good with an arm coming out of her stomach. If I wanted to see that, I would've rented Aliens.
Lesson #2: &*(%##^^&^&*^&%%@#$!@$.
This one is important people so pay attention. A lot of people use profanity. That is your right, but please remember the people around you. I don't mean over-sensitive politically-correct tree-hugging bleeding-heart liberals, I mean employees of Worlds Inc. I personally don't mind an occasional profanity: it helps to emphasize statements and I do it all the time IRL (In Real Life). But watch yourself. Worlds is starting to crack down. The Profanity Gestapo [editor's note: HEY is that ME?] will get you if you aren't careful. So for your own sake, be careful ****heads.
Lesson #3: ^&%^&$%&$^$%@@!%^%$%#, [your name here].
This one I do happen to mind. This is not just general good-natured profanity. This is when some sexually-frustrated 14-year old boy gets bored and starts mouthing off, usually at Ground Zero. Guess what! Its not funny OR cool. In fact, if the best thing you have to do on a Friday night is go make a fool of yourself and irritate everyone around you, and maybe even get kicked out from wherever you are, I would suggest alcohol. Its a lot more fun. But you are too young to buy alcohol aren't you. Frustrating isn't it? Well the solution is not to go and irritate people. Dataman has been booting people for that, and if he's not around and I am, you will not get booted, but you will get insulted on every level of your pre-pubescent creatively-challenged bed-wetting mind. So give a hoot, and shut up. (Note: Some of these idiots actually don't change their names when they do this. So the next time they are on they have to make up some lame story about their brother getting on in their place. In case you didn't know, it doesn't matter if it was you or your "brother." Kicked off is kicked off. Next time try password protection.)
Lesson #4: Can I Ask You a Personal Question?
This is more common than the loser yelling words he learned on the playground, but not quite as irritating. This is people asking one of three questions (usually in this order): "Where are you from?", "How old are you?", and "Do you look like your avatar?" (Lesser heard but worse is the "What is your real name?" or "What is your exact address" or "I'm sorry, can you give me directions?" or "Do you check packages before you open them?"). From the start, let me explain that "Where are you from?" is not that bad. However it often leads to the others. This lesson is a pet peeve of mine, but also qualifies as rude. Would you ask a woman how old they are in real life? Maybe you would. Maybe you enjoy getting slapped. And, asking if they look like their av, or just asking what they look like is way to reminiscent of bad phone sex for my comfort. Besides, they are likely to lie. Even if they don't, they may not want to tell you, but feel obligated to because of your lack of consideration.
The reason I bring this whole thing up is because it really irritates me. What does it matter how old they are, or what they look like, or even where they are from? (though as I said, a case can be made for the last one) Odds are you will never meet this person. And if they tell you and you don't like what you hear, you may miss out on one of the best friends you will ever have.Why not just talk to them, and let them tell you what they want on their own time. You see, all this "real life questioning" leads to conversations reminiscent of bad cybersex. If that is what you want, try IRC. You will fit right in.
Just talk to people. Enjoy the conversation. If a female av is talking to someone, don't interrupt to say "Hi, how are you, my names Loverboy, where are you from, how old are you, what do you look like." Its rude. And you look like a pathetic adolescent loser who can't get any. You don't want that, do you? Do you?Conclusion
Well, I know there is much more that I could talk about, but this will do for now. I realize that I have given people a manual on how to be rude as much as one for NOT being rude, but that is not something I can control. People find a way. If I didn't mention it, they would figure it out on their own. The simplest ways to deal with a loser are to try and ignore them (good luck), leave the area (inconvienent at the least), or fight back (not condoned by anyone except maybe me). Its your call. If they get really bad, try and contact a Worlds employee like Dataman. He will happily remove the offender with his patented "smite key" (or he won't). Give him a try. One last thought. Maybe the last people we want in AlphaWorld are from IRC. I have been on IRC, and I have yet to find ONE loser-free channel. Even #newbies gets its share. But we can't blame all on them. They just add to the problem. The real problem will probably always be there, so learn to deal with it.
Thanks for your time. Be nice.
About the Author
DNapalm is a dedicated builder and user of AlphaWorld. He used Worlds Chat, but got tired of the sound of silence. He has built in countless places, and is the Mayor/Co-Mayor of three towns: Palladium, Red Light District, and Reston. His AlphaWorld pages are soon to be legendary, and you can mail him at dnapalm@hotmail.com. For back issues of BuilderGuide, check his AlphaWorld pages, home of the "Best of AlphaWorld".