Welcome to BuilderGuide, a column for the New World Times. This issue is devoted to the people we see every day in AlphaWorld. The people who ask "stupid" or "irritating" questions. The people who which you were once yourself. Thats right, this column is devoted to: Newbies!
#1: Newbies and their Trash
These days it is impossible to go on AlphaWorld without encountering a newbie (new user). Since hitting the 100,000 mark of citizens, AlphaWorlders have noticed a huge influx of new users. Most of these newbies seem to be coming from IRC, the popular text-based chat service of the Net. Therein lies the problem.
Even before, newbies were a problem. You may be thinking, "well, everyone is a newbie sometime". And you are right. Sort of. You see, they create a problem many builders have encountered but never really thought of. I like to call this phenomena "newbie trash".
Newbie Trash is arguably the worst form of the three types of crap a builder puts up with (the other two being vandalism and spam). Spam and vandalism are fairly easy to deal with. Spammers get themselves by linking to their places, and vandals at least come back to the scene of the crime, and can usually be identified. But what is "newbie trash"???
Newbie trash is when a new user tries their hand at building. This is usually not something profound, like a house or garden. This is usually just some ground, with maybe a wall and few other objects. It is almost invariably small and tacky. The problem is that they rarely come back to work on it, or god forbid delete it. No, at that point they either decide to never come back to AlphaWorld, or they forget to write down the coordinates where they built, so they can't go back. What does that mean for us?
It means that we are stuck with crap on or near our property. Crap we can't remove without the help of a greatly overworked member of Worlds Inc ("How brown is my nose..."). Great, we can send a mail and get a ONE time removal. But what if it happens again? We are, as the great philosopher Socrates put it, "screwed". Even if it doesn't happen again its an irritation. So what do we do to fight the dread newbie menace?
Well, it has been said that opinions are like...buttholes. Everybody has one. In my time, I have heard many. Make people apply for building rights. Have a mediator go and look at trash for deletion. Make a newbie go through a waiting period, as if they were trying to buy a handgun. Good suggestions but there are problems with all. So what does Dataman, builder extraordinare and employee of Worlds Inc. suggest?
Dataman and I had a conversation about this subject, and he gave me some tips. Well, he gave me one tip, then he made fun of me (joke). He said to cover all your land. Great suggestion, no contest. But, as the song goes, "Something's Always Wrong." What if the trash was already there? What if you were still covering when it happened? What if you were building a town, and you left it open on purpose?
These are all big problems, and I for one don't have a perfect solution. I like the waiting period and application idea, but they are problems for Worlds. The waiting period is a good way to get people coming back, but many people end up liking the building, and may not wait out the period, and instead give up on it. The application would require much manpower or other power from Worlds, and they may not be able to spare it. Got any suggestions? Mail me. But otherwise, keep building. Just like the best way to prevent VD is abstinence, the best way to prevent newbie trash is covering your property.
Go to it, and build well.
Top Ten Newbie Pick-up Lines
These are the top ten pickup lines I have heard at Ground Zero. The crowd can get pretty raunchy, as you can see...
Top Ten Newbie Pick-up Lines |
| 10. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand. |
| 9. Can I flirt with you? |
| 8. My name's [your name], but you can call me "lover". |
| 7. Is it hot in here, or is it just you? |
| 6. So....How'm I doin'? |
| 5. Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night? |
| 4. All those curves, and me with no brakes. |
| 3. Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway. |
| 2. Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for"] I want to call your mother and thank her. |
| 1. You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear. |
About the Author
DNapalm is a dedicated builder and user of AlphaWorld. He used Worlds Chat, but got tired of the sound of silence. He has built in countless places, and is the Mayor/Co-Mayor of three towns: Palladium, Red Light District, and Reston. His AlphaWorld pages are soon to be legendary, and you can mail him at dnapalm@hotmail.com. For back issues of BuilderGuide, check his AlphaWorld pages, home of the "Best of AlphaWorld".